


The golden circle

by AphrxditeDaughter



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Covert Affairs - Freeform, Family Drama, Golden Circle, Helion is the team's daddy, Modern Era, More tags later, Nesta / Emerie Friendship, Nesta and Cassian my parents, Rhys is an idiot, Spies & Secret Agents, Team as Family, blacklist - Freeform, but we love him too, criminal minds - Freeform, friends - Freeform, sometimes, this happen when you watch a lot of CIA and FBI series, this is dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-26 09:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AphrxditeDaughter/pseuds/AphrxditeDaughter
Summary: After sixteen months of being absent and out of service, ex-CIA agent Nesta Archeron is asked to take part in a new project in association with the FBI: the golden circle.Under the guidance of an eccentric boss, the group must expose the biggest conspiracy ever seen, and make sure to eliminate all those who are a risk along the way.Deadly, flawless, a circle of seven agents who find that loyalty comes at a very high price.
Relationships: Elain Archeron/Azriel, Emerie/Morrigan (ACoTaR), Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 30
Kudos: 44





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this just pop in my mind and i had to wrote it. This is a pilot, feel free to tell me your opinion.  
> English is not my first languaje, if you find some mistake please let me know!

_ And it's hard to be at a party _

_ When I feel like an open wound _

_ It's hard to be anywhere these days. _

_ -this is me trying, Taylor Swift. _

  
  


_ AUGUST _

The cold water chilled her bones, as her lungs cried out for air and every inch of skin froze against the icy liquid. Surrounded by the cool, her limbs quickly numb from the temperature, feeling the strength of the male hand holding her underwater by the back of her neck.

Her stomach lurched, her body almost demanding that she try to breathe, but keeping her mind as clear as possible in such a situation she decided to just wait.

She was no good to them dead.

She was no good to them silent.

If she died at that moment they would have nothing but a silent corpse, and they would have to find another method to find the answers they so desperately needed.

Nesta Archeron was well aware that her record time underwater was three minutes and forty-five seconds. She had been underwater for almost two and a half minutes, so she still could afford not to lose her nerve completely.

She tried to fight, shaking her hands and legs, which were stinging from the security seals and swollen skin clinging to the plastic. She heard the voice camouflaged softly by the water around her, different voices probably discussing what her fate was going to be.

Two minutes and fifty seconds, the man tugged her by the hair to pull her out of the water. The blindfold that had been on her eyes slowly slipped off, and several hands clutched at Nesta's face to adjust it.

"Aren't you going to say anything, bonita?" the voice asked, the darkness in the sides of her eyes was complete, "You'll do much better telling us what we want."

Then Nesta did the best thing she could do in a situation like this: she spat the icy water that had seeped into her mouth directly at their feets, taking a gulp of air to try to save her lungs if only a little.

The next thing Nesta knew was that she was being submerged back into the water, darkness and ice crawling all over her body.

_ SIXTEEN MONTHS LATER _

"Are you listening to me?" Nesta stopped her thought train suddenly, turning her gaze to the younger of her two sisters -Elain- ". You shouldn't go on that trip if you don't want to, your boss should understand, you' re quite pale."

Elain looked as pretty as always, sitting behind the wheel of Nana Archeron's old Impala, wearing a loose dress from the skirt and just a little make-up to accentuate the beauty inherent in her. At twenty-three years old the youngest of the sisters was definitely the only one leading a quiet life.

There was a peace that reigned in Elain that Nesta had never managed to feel, and that she was sure was one that Feyre -the middle one-avoided at any cost in her life as an artist.

"I'm sorry, El. Don't worry about it."

"You had an accident that left you in the hospital for days because of your job, you know I worry because someone has to. It's odd that someone with your memory actually forgets herself."

Nesta resisted the urge to roll her eyes, knowing what her little sister was referring to. Lying to her had always been complicated, but after almost a year and several months of what they had labeled as the accident everything seemed to fall apart. Nesta couldn't explain to her baby sister that she hadn't been hit by a hit-and-run car as she had led her to believe.

She couldn't even talk about the days before the hospital, lost in the nothingness itself and missing from the map.

She couldn't talk about  _ her _ .

"Accidents happen to everyone, and it wasn't my fault," Nesta said, though it had been.

"You're just like Dad."

She froze for a second, before she felt the world move forward again in slow motion. 

"What?"

"Just like Dad, always working and never seeing for yourself," Elain explained, his eyes focused on the road.

The comparison was like acid to Nesta. It wasn't as if Elain could know about her previous job truly, maybe her Nana, the woman who had raised them and the only one who could read Nesta like an open book, could. 

"Life goes on."

"Well, I hope at least you send me pictures from France, you're the one who gets all the fun" said Elain "bring me one of those miniature eiffel tower key chains, I love them".

They were on their way to the Washington airport, where Nesta had to catch a plane to meet her boss in France. The bank cover had ended up being real after the accident and she was adapting; again and again Nesta was stuck in the past, contemplating how she had spent the previous years running back and forth, undercover, in danger.

Sometimes she missed it, but most of the time she didn't.

"Are you going to call me?" asked Elain, pulling into the parking lot. Her brown hair was tied in a high ponytail, a scrunchie with fake purple flowers contrasting against the caramel gold. Brown eyes bore into Nesta's soul, who nodded.

"Of course I am, Eli. Thank you for driving me."

There was an almost silent exchange of i love you's and Nesta reached down to grab her handbag from the back seat.

Checking her phone as she walked all the way inside the airport, scrolling through texts and quickly texting Feyre to tell her the day she would be back, and that they could have dinner in town that night. 

Three days and two nights in France never sounded like work to her after all, not when her boss was happy to take her to wine tastings with the other managers and all they did was shuffle between convention days and canapés. Nesta knew more about economics than any of them, probably.

Thesan's call came before she reached the international flight area.

"I'm about to go through security," she said almost automatically as she answered.

"I'm glad, where are you traveling to, Archeron?" undoubtedly the voice on the other end was not Thesan's. Nesta stopped suddenly, looking around cautiously and deciding that pretending was for the best; vigilant, like a cat, she straightened up and continued on her way carefully.

"I'm sure you know where."

Her previous boss, the leader of the National Clandestine Services department was definitely the last person she wanted to talk to right now. She had always liked him, but after all Nesta just wanted to put distance between the Agency and her.

She wanted to live in oblivion, with an average job and the peace of mind that no one was watching her steps. Suddenly a single call would cause all her circuits to be disturbed and that self-defense switch she had kept off to flip on its own behalf.

"France is nice during this time of the year," Kallias said, the coldness in his voice so similar to the one Nesta had acquired after years of training, "Viviane would be delighted to go too."

"Well you should think about a second honeymoon and take her."

"You should consider paying her a visit, she's been worried about you."

"I don't mix work and personal life anymore" Nesta felt her voice tighten, the memories building up in her head, the grip on her handbag trembling slightly. Everything suddenly seemed too much, "And neither do you, so I guess it's not a call to check up on me."

She sat down in a rather uncluttered area, taking the magazine from her handbag and placing it close to her face to appear more unconcerned than she was. No one seemed to be watching her, at least not in the way an agent would, yes in the way someone might ask for her phone number at any moment.

"I wanted to know your progress."

"I'm not coming back."

"You're going to let one incident ruin your entire career? " he asked suddenly, and Nesta lost the words for a second wondering how she could explain it to him. "You're one of the best, and there's a position being reserved for you."

"I don't want it " she said. "If anyone is with me, let them leave, I'm not coming back."

"I didn't send anyone."

Nesta probed around her, feigning a giggle that would throw anyone off.

"Blonde, five foot six, dark eyes probably brown, pretending to be drinking coffee but she has sunken eyebrows, wrinkled nose so she probably doesn't like coffee, but it's the strong man's drink isn't it?"

"Not one of mine" Kallias said on the other end, taking a breath away from the phone but taking a little longer to add the following, "While I think it's an excellent analysis I fear you may be getting a little paranoid"

"Mmm" Nesta looked at her wrist watch "I'm glad we spoke, I hope you got the message clearly, I have a flight to board"

"Nesta" but she hung up the phone, getting up and walking straight to security with her ticket in hand.

Nesta made eye contact with the woman at the table, who was probably not a Kallias agent because she was terrible at being undercover, just for a moment she held the woman's gaze and smiled at her to tell her clearly that she had been spotted. 

_ THREE DAYS LATER _

She and Thesan landed around five in the afternoon, bags in hand. Nesta put on her sunglasses as soon as they left the airport, balancing the things in her hands carefully to take notes as her boss spoke.

Thesan was definitely a good boss, as well as being a good view to entertain herself with overtime. Obviously it wasn't like she was going to have anything with him, mostly because the man was more amused by men than women, and Nesta had never slept with anyone at work - nor was she looking to.

Where you eat you don't shit- had been a phrase often said by her grandmother, and so her parents had ended up not obeying her.

She ran a golden-brown lock out of her face, the braid she'd had done on the plane almost completely undone but looking just as good. She had decided to travel comfortably, in a black dress and sweater, opting for little shoes with no platform at all.

Although she was trained to take a person down without ruining her makeup, sometimes she just wanted to feel comfortable.

"Are you sure you don't want us to drive you?" asked Thesan as they both approached the armored, parked car. Nesta denied, having no desire for voyeurism as she looked at her boss and his boyfriend.

"I'm going to call my sisters first, and you know they like to talk."

She'd actually spoken to Elain before getting on the plane, and they'd arranged to meet at the house directly, so she'd just go grab a cab and pray they'd want to make a good amount of extra money for driving her into town.

"See you on Monday then."

"See you on Monday."

Watching him get into the car, Nesta waved briefly with the knowledge that it was Grisson inside and not the chauffeur.

She turned and walked away, pulling out her cell phone to try to talk to Feyre. They had texted each other the previous few days but her sister had made it clear that she would not be available for dinner that night, what was a painter to do on a Friday night? Nesta had no idea.

The gaze placed on her fell like ice, but among the crowd of people she wasn't able to identify exactly who seemed to be watching her. She was prepared to burst into Kallias' office or home and demand that he stop this little game.

**Eli, I'm going to stay in a hotel because I need to go to the office in the morning. We'll talk when I get there.**

She sent the message to her younger sister and began walking to the best of her locations. The safe apartment, the official name of the place she hadn't set foot in for at least twenty months, a dump she had bought directly from the owner and had managed to disappear with Viviane's help years ago.

The location near the airport was totally strategic. Running five blocks was a cinch, especially if you knew the surroundings so you knew where to sneak into to disappear.

But Nesta wasn't going to stay quiet.

She knew she was being followed, step after step, and she didn't let anything in her attitude give away that she knew exactly the number of meters between her body and someone else's.Thirty-odd feet away, a man, wearing dark glasses and casual clothes that seemed hardly fitting on his person.

At least the blonde woman had been a pleasant, comfortable sight, unlike the man who looked so uncomfortable that she was considering bursting out laughing before telling whoever his boss was that he should fire him. If they were both CIA agents then the agency was seriously understaffed.

She did the smartest thing she could, move carefully through the small crowd, disappear into the side alley next to the apartment and wait for the man to pass her by to see if he was really following her or not.

He stood at the entrance to the cramped alley, watching her for a second as she stood leaning against the wall with the swiss army knife in her hand unobserved by the naked eye. There was no doubt he was heading straight for her as he entered, his hand moving dangerously close to the waistband of his pants, the silhouette of the gun holster evident.

She did the logical thing when they were out of sight of any kind of audience, grabbed his arm in near record speed and smashed his face into the solid stone, her foot directly going to the back of the man's knees.

"Shit" he said. He stood still for a moment, before trying to push her away and kick her, directing his hand to the belt of his pants again and making everything around Nesta blur with the adrenaline rush.

He kicked her causing Nesta's back to impact against the alley wall and a whimper escaped her. She smacked the man's nose with her palm hard enough to make him bleed, making him enraged enough for him to grab her braid and slam her head against the wall hard enough for Nesta to see stars for a split second before raising her knee in the direct direction of the man's nuts.

A choked groan came out of him, and she knocked him unconscious by delivering a precise blow to his neck. Just enough to put him to sleep so she could carry him all the way into the apartment.

Before she knew it, Nesta had a stranger tied to a chair in the middle of her living room.


	2. How many people does it take to catch a Nesta?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you can see that i get really excited about this story, this chapter was wrote at 3 am, so enjoy!

I have no heart

Just ice and stone

Made up of nails

And teeth and bone

-Battle cry, Beth Rowley

Now they tell you that you're their muse

Yeah, they're so inspired

But where were they when they called your name

And they lit the fire?

-Joan of Arc, Arcade Fire

Unlike what many might say, Nesta wasn't a monster and she cared about people, funny was the fact that that very thing had ruined her if one looked between the lines of her life. She made sure the man had no more wounds beyond what was visible, fixing the deviated septum from the blow and wiping the blood from his face. She had forced herself to use ropes, not being able to even get close to the security seals on the kitchen drawer, and had tied him up tightly while he was still unconscious.

She was losing her mind doing something like that, but as she pulled the gun from its holster she knew that nothing was a fluke. And she had learned to be the archer instead of the prey.

"You should be sweet and not force me to be rude" Nesta said.

She looked at her computer, typing quickly and comparing the photo she had gotten with the man a few feet away from her. Chin straight, tense probably at the fact of uncertainty, with short dark hair that contrasted vividly against his pale skin. 

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose before removing the man's blindfold. Blue eyes, so intense they looked violet, blinked in confusion at the action; but having him in a blindfold was a waste of time, especially after she knew all she needed to scare him away.

"Rhysand Darkling" she said, leaning against the marble island that acted as a divider between the living room and kitchen "you're twenty-eight, a seven year old half-sister, your mother lives in Hawaii, Honolulu if you want me to be more specific. And you're registered as an FBI field agent" she added, recalling the data from memory.

Eidetic memory, always a useful thing if you wanted to make enemies squirm. 

"Well, what a joy to see that the memory thing was true. Though no one had told me about your tendency to beat people up and tie them up."

"Only those who follow me around town and beat me back get the pleasure."

Nesta had a nasty bruise on her back, but it wasn't like she was going to scold him out loud because that bruise meant she hadn't been smart enough. She needed to be on her toes, all the time, and suddenly something in her was ready to jump for the man's jugular if necessary.

"I'm just following orders."

"Mmm..."

She grabbed the man's phone, then walked over to him, grabbed his hand and used his fingerprint to unlock it. 

"That's private property."

"Do I look like I care?"

"That's why I hate CIA people."

"No one here is from the CIA" she replied scathingly. One message read, "what happened in Dubai?" Sent only two hours earlier-at the time of the fight probably-from a familiar number because the conversation was extended.

She glanced at Rhysand, who maintained a serious semblance that didn't betray too much.

"Dubai is fun, isn't it, Darkling? Let's get your friends to join in. Maybe then they'll get the message."

She slowly read some of the language used by Rhysand in the other texts and wrote, "rough night, some girls are crazy, had to get her in the apartment" and sent the location.

Nesta picked up her own phone then, waiting for Kallias to call her.

"You know, you could untie me, we're on the same side after all, I'm not going to hurt you." he said.

Nesta didn't answer, just set her phone down on the island and drank the rest of her glass of water. She made sure the window was open and the bathroom window was closed. She had checked Rhysand, not finding any kind of bug at all, and took her time disassembling the man's cell phone and making sure there wasn't one there. 

She tossed it into her purse, waiting.

"I'd heard you were a bit unpleasant, but I thought it was all a facade. Especially if you got out, too soft for state affairs?"

"You should consider yourself lucky I don't feel like committing homicide" she said "though I can't promise to be compliant if you don't shut your mouth."

"I don't have that particular skill."

"I'd tell you to acquire it in the next ten seconds."

"Can't you handle being told things to your face?"

Nesta sighed. "I told you it would be easier if you were sweet, but you're irritating." She bent down, pulling his shoe and sock off his right foot.

"What are you-

And Nesta stuffed the sock in his mouth to shut him up once and for all.

It was at least ten minutes before footsteps in the hallway sounded, two people, one taller than the other because of the pressure their feet were making. She arranged her hair to the side, the braid unraveling almost completely as Nesta moved smoothly to the side of the door, ready to leap and strike.

She held her breath, crossing glances with Rhysand who had a conspiratorial gleam in his eyes.

By the time the door opened she could practically tell how the two people were placed.

She knocked the blonde down in a matter of seconds - who had opened the door - to smash her into the second man and have enough time to kick the first gun away and take the second one out of his hands. For an instant it was a blur, of confusion among the four agents, as the newcomers realized they had been too naive.

She jabbed her elbow into the second man's stomach and propelled herself forward enough to grab the fallen gun lying on the floor, before standing like a cat and waving the weapon in a clear gesture that she wanted all hands where she could see them. Nesta had to hook one of the pistols into her pants, into the holster she'd taken from Rhysand.

"Kallias is too busy and sends his kindergartners?" she said, catching a breath of air as she placed the pistol she'd taken from the blonde on Rhysand's stomach and watched the new two confused people just a few steps from the door.

She took the sock out of Darkling's mouth, willing to let him speak once and for all. Even though she was surrounded she had them in check.

The man, whom she could see more clearly by taking distance, whistled in admiration. He was definitely the muscles of the little team of three, being about 6'3" tall and brutally beautiful. 

"I guess I should train with the CIA nerds after all. I'm sure you'd look fantastic in leggins."

"I think I look fantastic without a gun pointed at me," Rhysand said, remarking on the words and shaking a little as if that was going to help him at all.

"Good. I'm glad you're happy to be reunited but it's time for some answers" Nesta said, taking the sock and putting it back in Rhysand's mouth. She was changing her mind, she was tired of hearing him complain, she was sure the blonde would be the first to spill the beans, as she watched her look at the scene with incredible calm. 

"Me, I'd like to know why you tied up my friend." the man said.

"A measuring game, he lost" Nesta said ". And I assure you, you don't want to be next so I'd drop the casual talk and start the real talk."

"Well, I'm just going to sit back while you deal with this, alpha males" the blonde said, sitting down on one of the stools near the breakfast isle with her hands still raised in a sign that she wasn't going to do anything.

"I'm sure Rhys appreciates the interest you have in his life, Mor" the man said, closing the door and taking barely a step further into the apartment. Somehow all of Nesta's senses were telling her that he was a potential threat, which was probably due to the amount of muscle he had and the noticeable difference between their physiques. 

Nesta could take the blonde down in a heartbeat, but the hazel-eyed man would give her a fair enough fight before he bit the dust.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd talk now, I don't exactly consider myself patient" said Nesta "Who sent you and why does the FBI think they should keep an eye on me?"

"I'd love to tell you, sweetheart but..." the man was interrupted by three knocks on the door, one silence and two more.

"Open and shut up" Nesta ordered, the raised gun pointed in his direction. Kallias, it had to be him, the characteristic knocks delivered in a safe house were only known to her old team; and it was time to take the king down completely.

However, she was unprepared for the person who appeared there, feeling strangely excited when she recognized him in full. 

Feeling a rush of excitement run through her, the adrenaline she had forgotten in those months coming bursting back, when Azriel appeared in the doorway, sheathed in running clothes and with his hands inside his pockets without a care in the world, she knew something was bigger than anything she could even imagine. He looked the same as he had a few months ago, when he had gone to visit her in town, dark hair just a little longer brushing his ears and curling slightly at the ends. He had always been a classic beauty, soft as if he were made of shadows.

"I thought you were going to be that bastard Kallias," Nesta said, reassuring herself just a little at the man so familiar to her. She could feel the tension in her shoulders dissipate, knowing that Azriel would never raise his hand against her.

There had been a blind loyalty between them since the academy, one that would continue for years and years no matter how far they would go from each other. Azriel had been a familiar silhouette in her life, an acquired taste in friendship.

"Nes" he said "As always, having all the fun. I'm owed five hundred dollars thanks to you, think of a nice place to celebrate."

"I'm glad you're betting in my favor."

"Always, partner. Though I think Rhysand would appreciate being able to talk and tell us how he ended up in your claws."

Nesta secured the gun, pulling the sock out of his mouth and giving him a single look of if you start again you lose.

"You didn't say you knew her" Rhysand claimed automatically, sounding like a child and not a man in his twenties ". I don't think it's a valid bet."

"Please tell me you kicked him in the balls" said the blonde at the bar, leaning towards them as if they were about to tell her some juicy gossip ", because Amren bet that it would be Cass the first one to take that hit from you and I said you'd do it to the first one you met"

Nesta lifted her chin in the woman's direction. "If it's more than fifty dollars I charged a thirty-five percent commission" she looked at Azriel "What's going on so important that they need the mad woman? And tell me, please, why are you playing with the scouts?"

Madwoman. After the accident people thought she had lost her mind completely, and Nesta sometimes thought she had too. The wound that had opened up that day had never healed, even though every mark of the torture had grown old on her skin. 

She had failed utterly that day.

The man next to Azriel opened his mouth. "Anytime you want I'll show you I'm not a boy scout, you couldn't..."

" You' re boy scouts, Cassian, get over it" Az said interrupting him, he carefully approached Nesta and hitched his own weapon to her waist holster and all as a proof that he was playing on her side. "I told them you were going to get aggressive and they were going to lose, I'm glad you're still not able to actually shoot, they could have died from their own stupidity if you were someone else."

"I'm not going back" she clarified, locking the gun and looking down for a second. Weak, unable to shoot if it was necessary, even the thud in the movies gave her the creeps "I can't".

She always saw her falling, the memory in the back of her mind replaying like an old movie she never wanted to see again.

"The golden circle" Azriel said.

Rhysand opened his mouth "You're not supposed to tell her if she won't accept."

Nesta watched him but the blonde jumped to her feet "Let me, I'll do it" and stuffed the sock back in his mouth.

"The golden circle is an elite agency, a bridge between the FBI and the CIA. We were selected, grouped together, and you're the last one left" Azriel was watching her, telling her with his eyes that there was something else, something she was oblivious to in that instant but she couldn't stand it. "You should listen to the proposal, know the team, if you don't like it you can go back to being the secretary you never wanted to be."

"I'm very happy with my job."

He gave her a very small smile. He knew her to the core, he knew every tumultuous detail of her life, so Nesta Archeron knew she couldn't fool him.

"Sitting around doing accounts without being able to be one of the big ones? That was never your style."

"It is now. I hope you'll tell him I'm not in the game anymore, but I'll have dinner Friday at his house if it'll put his mind at ease about how happy my life is."

If she had to sit for a few hours eating chicken spiedo dinner with Viviane and Kallias while listening to their concerns she would do it.

"She already said no," the man - Cassian - said, still at the door. However his eyes glinted with something Nesta couldn't identify "the little bunny can't go back to the game because she's scared, it's not like she's indispensable anyway."

Oh, he was good. But she was better, and if they were looking for her it was because they needed her. 

"Profiler?"

"The best" he replied ". Now you can untie our friend, give us our weapons and you won't have any charges."

She looked at Azriel "He seriously thinks he's in charge?".

Az shrugged in response. 

"Obviously I'm in charge, given that Rhysand is in a chair and Mor finds this amusing" he said. "And Azriel is on your side."

Nesta laughed. "A commensurate observation, with a mistake. I'm in charge, so you're going to shut up and try to be as much like a plant as you can, before you turn into a target-shooting vine."

"We could play Russian roulette" offered Azriel.

"Really, Az?" Said the man.

"I'm in" the blonde - Mor - said "You've been pretty insufferable lately, Cassian."

Nesta shook her head.

"Untie your friend and leave" her eyes bore into Azriel. "I'm going to track you and take you down if I see any of these idiots anywhere near me again, Azriel."

She settled her weapons to leave but a hand rested on her shoulder. There it was, the last she would hear from them would be next if she refused. Azriel would not force her to accept, knowing what she had lost in the accident.

"Feyre is with us, Nesta."

She felt tense, all over. Feeling her face cover with ice, that deadly calm she had practiced for years; but it was utterly absurd for Azriel to say that about her sister.

Feyre, who thrashed like a rabid dog when she was under attack, was not bitter-hearted enough for the offices of state. Although, inside her, something just clicked at the revelation.

"Feyre sells paintings."

"You work in a bank."

Was her sister seriously playing with the scouts? Feyre could have done better than that.

"Yes" Azriel added, "I also had chills when I realized she was a girl scout. Do you feel like hearing more now?"

Nesta sighed, grabbing her handbag off the floor and stuffing three of the guns in there.

"I hope you pick a really good bar where we can spend those five hundred dollars" she walked over to the man in the doorway and tossed her purse in his hands "I hope those muscles are good for something besides a good view."

Mor stood stunned for a second. 

"Did she just give you the weapons?"

But Azriel grinned at Nesta, pulling Rhys's sock out of his mouth and cutting the ropes holding him down with a switchblade. 

"I can bet you fifty bucks that all the bullets are in her pocket, and that she fooled you all into thinking she could make you guys bite the dust."

After all, it wouldn't be the first time.

_ AUGUST/ PAST _

She was crying, leaning against her teammate and shaking for the first time in her life. Her legs felt like they were made of jelly and she had never felt more vulnerable than she did at that very moment, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You're okay, Nes," Azriel said, in a whisper that was meant only for her. She had his jacket over her shoulders, a small shield against the world spinning around her. Hours, it had only been a few hours but it seemed like lifetimes to Nesta.

She was in shock and she knew it. As much as she wanted to become functional, to be able to move her feet and stand on her own, she wasn't able to, too shocked and numb, her feelings burning like fire in the middle of her chest, robbing her of life.

"They shot her" she mumbled, a sob escaping her throat as her hands clutched at the man's shirt. "They shot her, where is she? I need to see her."

"I'm sorry" Azriel said ". I'm sorry, Nesta."

And she just felt herself crumbling, block after block.


	3. Dayton

With every small disaster

I'll let the waters still

Take me away to some place real

-home, Gabrielle Aplin

I would like to go back

To the time of the seashells

That my sister and I

Sell on the beach

-Au temps des coquillages, Meimuna

  
  


_ AUGUST _

The chances of the CIA and the FBI working together were rare, Feyre Archeron knew that perfectly well. To the bureau's agents those at headquarters were nothing but nerds, as if they were the NASA of spies.

But she was excited, it being one of the few missions this big where they were going to be in the field, proving that despite being smart the CIA couldn't control everything. Feeling helpful, Feyre had wanted to feel useful all her life, and as she picked up the pistol with the latex gloves and stuffed it in the bag she knew she was doing something.

The voices of all the other agents filled the field they were in, most of the CIA nerds had clustered around the woman they'd lost a week ago, and the rest of Feyre's fellow agents were examining the body they'd had to dig up.

Feyre sighed, approaching Morrigan's car to put away the evidence as her world dissolved.

The CIA man who had been talking to Rhys was there, standing a few feet away with a person in his arms, a shaking, crying figure.

Feyre watched as her older sister melted into the man's arms, and holding her breath she forced herself to take a step back.

_ MONTHS LATER / PRESENT _

The worst thing about adrenaline was the emptiness that remained afterwards, a hole in the middle of her chest that had formed over an August and never closed. She pressed her hands against the straps of her handbag, as her heart began to beat anxiously against her ears and the memories came rushing back like a tide.

Azriel's hand gripped her shoulder for a moment, as Nesta realized that her mouth tasted like blood and she had been closing her eyes for more than a blink.

Cassian, sitting behind the wheel and driving to the new office, said absolutely nothing.

She gritted her teeth, the numbness in her bones staying as she tried to breathe normally. 

"Pull over" she blurted out suddenly, as the tightness began to spread in her chest, the blind anguish that sometimes populated her walked over her logical thoughts and she simply needed to put on pants and feel contained for a moment. The stability she had lost.

Asking nothing, the man didn't inquire, he found a vacant space and parked.

"Go ahead, Azriel" she commanded.

"Are you really going to do it?

"Do what?" asked Cassian.

"Change my clothes. Go ahead" Nesta opened the bag, finding her toiletry bag and the blister pack of pills fast enough for her hands to work well. She swallowed the pill dry, the bitter taste feeling like acid.

A pair of pants, a T-shirt and she could wear the same sweater she had on. 

Azriel obeyed, standing outside for only a moment before climbing back in to sit in the copilot's seat.

She pulled on her pants after removing her shoes, as the car started up again and she counted seconds to keep her mind occupied. After fastening her jeans she pulled her short sleeve shirt over her dress, pulling the straps underneath the blouse material and finally removing the dress completely as she was properly dressed.

Sometimes she could stand to see herself, but she couldn't stand for others to see the scar.

"How's Elain?" asked Azriel from his spot, flipping channels on the radio.

"I was supposed to have dinner with her, but that was too much to hope for, wasn't it?"

"You decided to beat Rhysand up instead?" 

"The FBI should be looking for better agents if you ask me," Nesta blurted out, her voice cold as she pulled her sweater back on. "I saw the blonde at the airport three days ago, and it took me less than ten minutes to realize Darkling was following me."

Cassian glanced at her in the rearview mirror. As she finally settled into the seat and undid the braid to put it back together.

"Maybe you're paranoid" Cassian said as his eyes returned to the street in front of him. Nesta set her own gaze outside, carefully watching the people strolling through the city.

"Where are we going?" she asked after a while, trying to concentrate on anything other than the thoughts in her head. She needed alcohol, perhaps the distraction of some bar and a stranger's hands on her.

"The new offices." 

Nesta peeked between the seats, directly looking at Azriel directly. 

"How did you find my sister?" she asked, carefully "How long have you known she was in the FBI?"

"I found out yesterday, at the team meeting."

"She's been there for two years" said Cassian "She was in the academy and she was one of the best."

Two years. 

"Tell me she doesn't know anything" she focused her gaze directly on Azriel "Tell me she has no idea about anything."

"The file thing, I guess. I didn't see her that day in the field, but I was worried about other things" was busy with you was what he wasn't saying. Nesta would rather die than let her sister know everything that had happened that day.

"Everyone knows about the raid" Cassian said.

Nesta leaned back, trying to piece together strands of memories in her mind, pushing back the darkness that licked at her sides, the feeling of emptiness again crackling in her bones. Like flames, which were only a short time away from consuming her completely.

_**[ *** ]** _

The office was in a building close to the main quadrants, perhaps only a few blocks away. Camouflaged in what would appear to be a dental clinic and placed in what was a secondary location specifically hidden behind a disabled floor.

Nesta was still processing everything that was going on.

If she was lucky she could convince Feyre to get off the team, because nothing that brought the CIA and FBI together was good news. She knew something was going on, something that had made Azriel want her to go in, maybe to put reasoning into her sister, maybe to use her memory to figure out whatever was going on.

Nesta was met with quite a movie scene when the elevator opened, an office with computers, cameras, and several locked offices. But it was neither the technology nor her sister, who was sitting at one of the desks emptying a box, that surprised her. It was Helion, watching her from a floating platform overlooking the door to the main office.

She felt shocked for a moment, as she admired him from her spot next to Azriel and Cassian and tried not to throw up in the nearest flowerpot. Not letting her face betray her as her whole body tensed and she lifted her head to look at him in a much more direct way.

He was a son of a bitch.

"Good to see you, Archeron," the man said, but there was no smile on his lips. Suddenly he looked like a stranger belonging to her dream life. "Your case is reopened, the circle is taking care of it. Now, come with me to rummage through a dead man's pockets."

"Is there anyone you don't know, sweetheart?" Cassian asked, still standing next to her. He seemed much more prone to small talk than Azriel.

"You, so you shouldn't call me that" her gaze fell on Feyre, who seemed suspended in her chair. She pointed her finger at her sister, letting annoyance fill her face "You and I are going to talk later, you could have done so much better than the boy scouts."

This was no time for sulkiness, not while things were getting out of balance so quickly and the mountain seemed to get bigger and bigger.

"At least I'm not with the nerds" Feyre mused, smiling only slightly at Nesta and not being daunted by her older sister's attitude ", though it fits with you." 

"Nesta, we have ten minutes before Sarah comes" Helion said, shouting from his office, and suddenly the woman's name made Nesta tense up even more. She held onto the edge of a desk for a second, catching her breath and letting her head clear for just an instant before she began to pace robotically.

There were certain things she wished to bury deep in her perfect memory, and Sarah was one of them. The woman had become a reminder as violent as the CIA itself, as the battlefield itself, the only one who understood in depth what went through Nesta's mind every time.

She practically ran up the stairs, barely letting her eyes wander around the closed offices and the doors with badges on them. She didn't even let herself be startled by the footsteps behind her.

"What's this all about?"

She looked at the man who had been the head of the CIA's counterterrorism department since he was twenty-six years old. Only brushing forty years old Helion Dayton had more experience than many veterans twice his age. But it had never been the job specifically that brought them together, and seeing him as an authority figure was not something Nesta had ever wanted at all.

He looked the same as he had months ago, tanned skin, exquisite suit, and black hair combed sleekly back. The amber eyes were only on her for a second, as if he only saw the ghost and not the one standing there.

At some point in their lives they would have almost joked with each other, tasting the tension on the tips of their tongues and admitting that they were beautiful and intelligent people alike.

That often sickened Nesta, the way people looked at her, but Helion knew her well enough not to feel sorry for her, and probably loathed her enough not to expect anything at all from her these days. It wasn't as if Nesta had any worth, she had proven it by failing at the important things.

"Elias Dayton is dead" Helion said in his hardened voice, as if he was talking about the last business meeting and not his own brother "he left a letter for you, one for me and one for his wife, now check the damn pants."

Nesta was slow to process, as she scanned the clothes laid out on the desk and pulled on the latex gloves before grabbing the pants. The name embroidered on the waistband almost made her smile, or maybe it just made the nightmare more vivid.

Nesta wanted to get out of that place, but her feet weren't going to obey her, not as her hands dipped into her pockets and her head dipped back into the calculating cold that had doomed her years before.

"Is the senator dead?" asked Rhysand from the doorway, Cassian and he looked strangely familiar side by side and in the clear light of the office, as if they were the two lost warriors of a strange race.

"Yes. When his wife arrives at the building, make Feyre bring her to the office, that she does not arouse suspicion" Helion ordered. "Cassian, tell Azriel to make sure nothing leaks out for the time being."

Nesta pulled some coins out of the pocket, a parking ticket that was dated hours ago.

"How did it happen?"

"Shot in the head in the bathroom of his house."

Nesta looked at the ticket.

"We need to look for his car now. And I need to read that letter" she took the envelope Helion held out to her and tore the paper under Cassian's scrutinizing eyes. Nesta had not felt him move, but she was suddenly aware of how little distance there was between them.

"Read it out loud," he said, to which Nesta only rolled her eyes.

"It just says I'm sorry and has his signature, nothing else. It's his handwriting" she raised her eyes to look at Helion "What can he be sorry for, anyway, not calling me after calling me a murderer?"

She felt the acid in his voice, the bubbling rage that wasn't dedicated to Elias but to herself. It was fire, the fire she had used to solve problems and had been busy with before the retreat; it was flames that licked at her face and tore at every ounce of feeling she should have.

Rage at her parents, at her decisions, at her sisters, rage at how much the world had kicked her.

"It's not like you could have done anything" Cassian said "When we found you you were in the bones, could barely stand."

Suddenly she looked at him, becoming defensive, feeling her body stretch like a cat about to attack. He had seen her, he had seen that catatonic state; she studied him, trying to find pity, or anything behind those hazel eyes. Nothing, only blind professionalism filled his features.

"Let's focus on this. Cassian, go psychoanalyze or whatever you do the letter on my desk, take Nesta's too, think of a reason" Helion said "Archeron, I want you here, in these four walls and only here. Wherever your mind is, whatever you believe about yourself I don't care, you are the only one Sarah is going to talk to, appeal to her pain if you have to make her tell you as much detail as possible"

"Search the house" Nesta said "Do it while I hold her here, say you are going to eat and take two with you, preferably someone who has been there before, wear gloves, look for any journals, or correspondence, tell the hacker you are working with to get into his mail right now and change the passwords, a copy of everything"

Helion smiled, barely a twitch of his lips upward. He would push her until she fell off the cliff, until she exploded "And there she is. Amren, change all of Senator Dayton's email and social media passwords!"

The brunet turned his eyes on her for just a moment.

"Keep an eye out that they don't make any mess, I'm going to wait in the car to see Sarah arrive, I'll take Rhysand and Morrigan."

Suddenly she was alone in the office with Cassian, going through the pockets of the clothes of a dead man she had known for years. 

The cell phone was out of battery, and she flipped through it thinking about what they should do. Swiping the information would be the wise move.

"Why would he possibly want to apologize?" Cassian asked, a tinge of curiosity in his tone "In another case like this someone would have lost their mind but demanded that you apologize. Wouldn't that make more sense?"

Nesta didn't want anyone in her head, especially not the man a few feet away. She had never liked profilers, not when they were able to read her body's little betrayals and throw them back in her face.

She flattened one of the crumpled papers, empty all over.

"If it were my daughter, I'd be angry. A lot of parents get angry at agents when they fail to save their children, it's a natural reaction. Some respond aggressively, so the normal thing would have been for him to look for you, not apologize and shoot himself."

Nesta had to bite her tongue, knowing that talking would be what might give her away. And she just wanted to keep the truth away.

She memorized every scrap, every digit about to blur between the white of the paper. 

"I see you don't much like the chatter."

"Maybe I don't like you," Nesta said softly, opened the Swiss Army knife in one of the pockets.

Elias Dayton, couldn't believe he was dead.

"Weird, usually women find me a pretty good distraction" he raised an eyebrow in her direction, as if daring her to say something." Guilt, in the two letters it reads clearly that he was feeling guilty about something, like when he wrote to Helion: I'm not going to be able to make amends. Remember old things, maybe he thinks he hurt you too deeply and you deserve an apology."

Hurt, Nesta didn't think anyone could hurt her after all. She knew that the words of the man, who had practically spat in her face, hadn't even made her blink.

She said those words to herself, every night, all the time.

"No. He just opened my eyes" she said "He was a good man, I... I don't understand why he would do that."

But people were never what you thought they were at the end of the day. She felt the tears gather at the edge of her eyes, the familiar anguish tucking her in and with a sigh she simply put herself back together piece by piece.

This was not the place to fall apart.

"Were you two close?" Cassian asked conspiratorially.

"We had something in common. And no, I wasn't sleeping with him. I like his wife even better than he did."

"Then that's a relief" Azriel's voice said from the door . "Sarah just went through security, Feyre is bringing her in. She's just talking about how much you two look alike, she's not going to say anything to her?"

"She knows there's nothing to say," Nesta said.

She had never told her sisters, only her Nana. Sometimes that decision still weighed heavy on her shoulders, in her ribs, and in the piece of heart left in her chest.

Nesta glanced at Cassian who watched the exchange with interest, eyebrows slightly arched. "How much can you decode by the way a person acts?" she asked, trying to keep her voice as cool as an iceberg.

He smiled in a way that made her skin crawl like it hadn't in a long time. "Oh, sweetheart. Lots and lots of interesting things."

"Your eyes on her, then. I want a full report when she leaves this place."

"I can't promise anything, those jeans look fantastic on you."

"You're dangerously close to being committing workplace harassment" Nesta said, looking at him through her eyelashes. She almost wanted to bare her teeth at him, show him she was capable of harm.

"You haven't signed any contracts yet."

"Cassian, leave her alone" Azriel said "Don't show all your cards in one hand."

Nesta shot her partner a dirty look.

"Is there an interrogation room?" she asked, getting a nod from both of them "With a double window?"

Another nod, good.

"Tell Feyre that Sarah likes her tea with two spoonfuls of sugar, I'm going to wait for her down there. You can see her gestures from the other side."

"Well, looks like someone likes to give orders."

**_[ *** ]_ **

Sarah Dayton was a short woman, with a commercial smile and a beauty that had won her a fair share of pageants in California but not enough. Auburn hair, a deep, rich shade that set off her sky blue eyes.

Yet she seemed in shock, holding Feyre's hand as she stepped off the elevator and practically throwing herself into Nesta's arms as soon as she saw her. She felt her heart lurch in her chest, her hands sweating as she held the woman carefully and tried to ease the tension.

"He's dead," Sarah said, sending a shiver through her.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Dayton."

Professional, Nesta needed to remain as professional as she could so she wouldn't shatter into pieces.

"I...I don't know why he did it. Everything was fine, it was starting to get better."

"Come, let's have a private chat" Nesta carefully guided her to the room Azriel had briefly shown her the room before leaving. The woman didn't squeak as she was led and seated in one of the armchairs.

It was an interrogation room that looked like a normal living room, board games stacked on one of the library shelves, the rest of them filled with books Nesta hadn't been able to check out.

Sarah's voice trembled, and for a moment Nesta wondered if she had looked like that from the outside: a shaking, sobbing bundle of nerves, barely spinning coherent ideas.

"Who found him?" asked Nesta, taking Sarah's hands gently to send her some peace. Months ago they had been in a similar position, in the private clinic room, sitting in silence as reality settled in around them.

It had been Sarah who had confirmed to her what she already knew in every bone.

And after saying goodbye they had buried the secrets in boxes in the attic in the Dayton's huge house, losing their phone numbers and pretending they had never existed.

"Me, there was so much blood and I couldn't see him breathing, I didn't know what to do. I called Helion immediately and he sent a special team. He told me you'd be waiting for me here," Sarah's voice came out halting, shaking, her thumbs twisting against Nesta's palm.

"Why do you think he did something like that?"

She could never have imagined someone like Elias committing suicide.

Sarah seemed to catch her breath "He wasn't well after Jane" she murmured, softly "I thought the job was helping him but, I don't know who he was in the last few months."

Nesta blatantly ignored the name, feeling her heart beating faster and faster, she carefully moved a lock of hair that had strayed to behind her ear. Sarah's eyes covered with tears.

"Do you think he was onto something weird?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think he was hurt enough to get into something weird?" She needed answers.

Sarah looked at her. "I think he was cheating on me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! This is one of my favorites, I had a lot of fun writing it and tried to make it as smooth as possible. In the next one we will finally see more of the sisterhood of Feyre, Nesta and Elain.


End file.
